Dear Johnathon,
28 years ago I became your sister, your big sister. 28 years ago I went from being an only child to a big sister to you a precious seven pound little bundle of joy, who was perfect in every way. You sweet perfect baby boy you were my brother, my baby, my love and our family's world for six short weeks.
Today I can't help but miss you and think that we were supposed to grow up being two peas in a pod, we were supposed to be best friends who would share wonderful childhood memories. We were supposed to ride bikes and build forts and walk to school together every morning. You were supposed to be in the stands on my graduation day. You were supposed to be the one I called to tell I had met the man of my dreams. You were supposed to be there when I had kids and I in turn when you became a father. Today we should be hosting a party to celebrate your 28th birthday, but instead I think of all the should haves, I wonder about all the would haves. Most May 3rds I'm OK that you aren't celebrating your birthday with us, but with Jesus I mean come on I bet He throws a much better birthday party, but today well it feels different. I feel sad, very sad and selfish wishing I was the one putting candles on your birthday cake right now. Selfishly wishing I could see your face if only for a moment, wishing I could hear what your voice would've sounded like what my name would sound like coming out of your mouth. Today I miss you very much. Today I'm wondering what you would look like, how tall would you be, would your beautiful hair still be blond? Would you be married or have kids? Would you be funny like our dad, or quiet like me?
(Would he...would he..would he? the list goes on and on) Well I do know one thing your life on earth with us was so short but you will live in my heart every day of my life, until one day I will get to see for myself if your hair is still blond, if you are quiet like me or funny like dad. One day there will be no would haves or should haves only forever making new wonderful memories with you. Happy Birthday Johnathon, I love you!
Love,
your big sister
2 comments:
This brought tears to my eyes... I'm so sorry for your sadness Shiri. But he is with Jesus and probably had the best birthday ever! You are in my prayers..
Shiri, Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter to your brother. I know he lives within your heart right next to Jesus. I can only IMAGINE how wonderful it will be when we get to see Johnathan, Shane, Papa, Grandpa Tony, Your Nana, and all those that we love that have gone to be with our Lord.
Love you
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