I can hardly believe that in less than 48 hours I will be a thirty year old woman. I now know and feel how time really does fly. I guess the hardest part about turning thirty is that I have to close that chapter of my life. My twenties were a time of being newly married and having children. Two of life's greatest blessings. Now as I move into my thirties that is all over with, my husband and I after eleven years of marriage have decided that we will not be adding anymore little critters to our bunch and in the back of my heart I ache a little. Not that I want to ever again go through childbirth or night time feedings or diapers ever again, I think it's mostly because I've had infants and toddlers and preschoolers now for almost eleven years and it feels really strange to leave that stage behind, especially because it felt like it would last forever at the time and now looking back it's all gone so fast, too fast. I will be thirty and my baby will start kindergarten next year. Where has the time gone?
My twenties were a time of self exploration. I was lucky enough to get through my first two year degree, although it took me four, and I am eager to go back to school, that is when I decide what I want to be when I grow up I'm hoping my thirties will help me with that. It was also a time of great trials that would shake me to my core. The first would be a test of my faith in the Lord. That test came at my twenty week ultrasound with my second child. The day I found out that he would be born so severely handicapped that he wouldn't make it to his third birthday. I learned to have faith in a God that had a plan and that loved me and that would take care of me and my son not matter what the outcome would be. I learned to trust and have faith instead of trying to control everything on my own. He is now a healthy and thriving eight year old, who is our hippie child that literally melts my heart daily with his kind heart and quirky personality.
My twenties were a time when my love and commitment to my husband and marriage would be pushed to it's limits and tested beyond my understanding. My husband whom I love with all my heart and soul and I would decide to put our marriage on hold for almost a year to figure things out. We separated for nine months, for nine months during my twenties I lived alone for the very first time. In my twenties I found out how much effort it takes to save a marriage and also what huge blessing it is. In my twenties I realized how much I am loved and how much I can love. I learned a lot about compassion and patience. I learned that I am worth loving and I deserve to be loved and in turn can give love, the kind of love without expectations the kind of love that had eluded me for so long. In my twenties I learned that it's important to save for rainy days. To say what's in my heart and to act on my instincts. I also learned how to so say goodbye to loved ones, and cherish sweet memories and remember the lessons they taught me. I've learned to cherish friendships because the older I get the more I realize how important they are and how it's not like kindergarten where I have a new best friend every day. Friendships are important and need to be treated as such. I've also learned to let go of some friendships or be ok with how they've changed, I've learned not to expect so much from people. I've learned to say no and to mean it and my kids have learned that no is a complete sentence and a nice one at that. I've learned how great God is and how important my journey home to Him is and that has been one of my twenties biggest life changing moments.
I've lived, learned, and loved in my twenties and I hope my thirties bring even more love, more joy, more laughter and much much much more faith. So to you my twenties I bid adieu as I close the book on you, it's been great, it's been fun but I really must run.
