As we close in on April, I find myself preoccupied with all these feelings. It's been a very difficult 11 months. In case you missed it I will do a short recap. Last April my husbands teenage son came to live with us, less than a month later my grandfather passed away, and only a few shorts months after that my other grandfather passed away. So so many changes have happened. I feel so blessed with all that has been given but I still feel such loss and change in my heart. I love my stepson dearly and pray every day that God will teach me to guide him and be supportive of him. I feel completely lost sometimes raising a teenager, and sometimes long for the days when most days I felt like I knew what I was doing. Making pb & J sandwiches and singing along to Barney. I miss when life felt a little less complicated. I was so naive before he came to life with us, I expected it to just be a smooth transition in our lives. He would jump right in and life would continue as usual. Wow what a surprise, I guess I just could have never imagined all of the changes that would happen. I know I'm really on a tangent here but I feel like I have to be honest about my real feelings about this. I love him yes, I love that he is here yes, I love that my husband gets a chance to know his son and my son's a chance to know their brother. Yes, yes and yes I am very grateful for all of this, however at this moment I feel lost and overwhelmed and I feel a little dismayed that it has almost been a year and I still don't fell like this transition has been completed.
Lots of Love,
Shiri
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